One Year Ago

It was one year ago. One whole year that our lives were forever changed. I took a pregnancy test – and much to my surprise it was POSITIVE! I remember that moment so well. How I felt when I was standing in the bathroom holding that test. Happiness, excitement, anxiousness, nausea (one of my first signs that I might be pregnant). Happy tears poured from my eyes.

The day before we were putting away Brigham’s crib. I remember being so sad. So so sad. I had tried all along to put having another baby out of my mind because I knew that it just wasn’t our plan. I went downstairs while Naaman finished taking it down. I went in the bathroom and cried. Something deep inside me kept telling me we were supposed to have another baby. I believe that with all my heart. I believe that He had this planned all along. And I am so grateful for our daughter that sometimes I can’t breathe.

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If I’m being honest, my third pregnancy was a confusing time. Even though it wasn’t my first rodeo there were new worries, new fears, new challenges. But the first second I saw her all of that instantly melted away. Funny how that happens, eh? There are still great big fears. But she makes facing them worth it.

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And now I’m so completely head-over-heels in love with this girl, our sweet Sawyer, that I can’t believe I’ve lived this long without her.

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One year ago – one whole year – I found out I was expecting another child. I think the word expecting is perfect. Because I was expecting a miracle. And I certainly got one.

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