I should have written this post last December. Because that was when I turned 35. But, you know, I was pregnant and sick. This led to me not having the energy or desire to blog much at all. Then we had baby #3 in January and I swore I would get around to it but we all know how these things go. It just didn’t happen.
I have a lot of thoughts on turning 35. Actually I had a lot of thoughts about it BEFORE it actually happened. It all started when I found out I was pregnant and went to my first appointment. My OB announced I was considered Advanced Maternal Age and I very quickly corrected her, “um, no I’m only 34.” What I really meant was – you bitch. I’m only 34 so don’t go calling me old just yet.
But then she quickly corrected me by telling me that I will be 35 at the time of birth so I will be considered Advanced Maternal Age my entire pregnancy. Oh goody. Here I am supposed to be enjoying this first prenatal appointment but instead I just end up feeling like crap because ughhh. Why do I have to get older?
When I turned 30 I was so excited. I remember feeling really good about myself. Landon was four-months-old and I felt and looked great (my hair was super curly from some sort of post-pregnancy hormone miracle). I really felt like I had the whole world in front of me. I had big dreams and planned on making them happen.
Then I went to sleep that night and woke up on December 6, 2013 and I was suddenly 35-years-old.
Wait, no really WAIT! How did five years pass by me so quickly?!
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t take these last five years back for anything in the world. It is in these years that we created our family, which is pretty darn cool. That is a huge accomplishment. But I’m feeling really unaccomplished in other areas of my life.
I truly believed that I would have a published book by now. But it’s kinda hard to publish a book when you don’t write a book proposal and you don’t query literary agents. Last year when I went to Influence Conference I heard Jeff Goins speak and raised my hand from all the way in the back.
“What do you think of self-publishing?” I sheepishly asked.
“I think it’s great. I think you and anyone else who wants to should go for it.”
That sealed the deal for me. Self-publishing is huge these days. E-books are huge. I have felt such conviction in the last six months to just DO IT, already. But there was that whole working full-time thing. And gestating a baby who made me incredibly ill thing. And keeping two kids (now three) alive thing. And making sure my house doesn’t turn into an episode of Hoarders thing.
Excuses – I haz them.
Then I turned 35 and I had this Eeyore moment where I’m like, damn it. I didn’t do what I said I was going to do by this time. I’m old and this sucks.
I still kind of feel like I’m 25 sometimes. I forget that I’m really truly an adult. Until I see kids walk through my yard and I’m like, GET OFF MY LAWN. Or I see teenage girls wearing really short shorts and I’m like, WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?
Then I remember. Oh, there’s also the bill paying. Why are there so many people we have to answer to? What ever happened to that tiny little first apartment we paid $500 a month for?
It is mind-boggling to me that I am 35-years-old. And Naaman turns 36 in a couple months. He asked me the other day how old he is (we’re both losing our damn minds) and when I told him he would be 36 he looked like this 0_o
Me too, honey. Me too.
I’ve got new white hairs popping up all the time. I’ve got wrinkles on my forehead and around my eyes. I’ve got aches and pains in my knees if I stand up too long. If I wear heels, which was every day when I was in my twenties, my feet hurt the entire next day.
I get heartburn. HEARTBURN!!! What the crap is that about?!
The only thing that makes me feel young is that I currently have an infant. When she goes to Kindergarten I will be 40-years-old. Now, I know what they say – age is just a number – but whatever. There will definitely be tears in my cheerios that morning.
People who don’t know how old I am are always stunned to find out my age. I guess I don’t really look 35? I will say that I still get carded for alcohol and every once in awhile I will get carded for an R-rated movie. I do the roger rabbit when that happens. Believe that.
The only resolution I created for 2014 was to lose 15 pounds. Which I did. On January 18th. I lost a bunch of weight :) But now I’m wondering if I didn’t sell myself short. I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth. But I know if I’m here tomorrow I will regret not starting on my biggest dream. And that is to publish a book. I don’t even care if anyone buys it. I just want to be able to say that I did it.
I also want to say that even though turning 35 seemed to be a little more difficult than turning 30 – I wouldn’t want to go back. No way, no how. I love my life right now. I love my family. Going back to 25 might get me less looks when I walk into H&M but I also wouldn’t have my husband or my kids. And that would suck.
In other words, 35, you’re a-okay. But get on it, Molly. Before someone suggests you drink Boost.